I’m stuck in the past.

To think I actually said “My mom is the best in the whole wide world”When I was a kid. And you wonder I’m scared of change? This is exactly why. I’ve never wanted to run away from this house— This place so badly before. Mom, my heart is breaking. How am I supposed to act when you call me selfish, and self-centered? When you tell me if I’m going to fall, I’m going to fall on my own? And when you tell me that my negativity is contagious? When all I wanted to do was go back when it was just the three of us. Remember? When it was just me, sister and you? Mom, how can you yell at her when she’s working at 17 to support our family? I’ve accepted the fact that you yell at me. I accept that, but please don’t yell at her. Not her. You don’t know how she feels inside. I don’t know how she feels inside. I don’t know what she thinks about. And mom, that’s what scares me. She barely cries but I saw her cry today. My big sister was crying today. Please don’t yell at her anymore.

Because that’s when I know that you’re going crazy, mom. That’s when I know you’re not proud of us. Times like these, sometimes I think it’s ok to live with dad. But mom, we haven’t spoken to him in a year, and in more years to come. Just like when we were little, right mom? Dad disappears. Is it so bad to miss him sometimes? You see me as your daughter, but you don’t see me as a person.

More than a thousand apologies, from me, to you, mom.